Afraid, Alone and Gay?

hey I am 18 and have felt alone for most of my life, strong willed I have used measures to cope as oppose to crumble such as alcohol I am now so young to drink so much all I want to most degree is a guy to hold and fell warmth with and ye I am so depressd in myself it is surely a paradox to ask for love when I surely don't love myself - I am sort of okay looking but the drinking even at 18 has aesthetically affected my appearance (several crows feet and big bags when I smile) what have I done wrong and what do I need to do when despite a sort of lust for success and despote the fact I drink to forget and alleviate boredom firstly and thus have become addicted all I want is a boy/guy to touch me and share experieneces/love/warmth with